so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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