i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
