I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
