btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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