its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
