I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
