It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
