Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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