Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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