and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need water and some morals
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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