i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
