Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize