So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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