Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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