party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
