I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
