Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
