we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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