his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
