dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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