matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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