He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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