I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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