I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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