Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
