ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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