I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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