We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
