if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
