Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
