he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
