went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
