I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
