turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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