I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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