I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
