Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How external is "for external use only"?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
