I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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