why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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