When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize