she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
