I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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