Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
