i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
