Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My vagina just clenched in fear
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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