I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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