Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
