So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Houston, we have a squirter
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
