question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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