Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I need moral support for this bender
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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