He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
