Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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