Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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