tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
