Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
