Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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