i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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